Today ít's been two whole years since I last self-injured and 1 was going to write about that issue. About what's been going through my mind and how I've managed staying on the right track even when things have been at their lowest.

But at around 1 o'clock our neighbor called and told me that "Kimmy", my mentor and close friend, died three days ago from her cancer. They had been colleagues while Kimmy still worked as a teacher. I mean, I knew the cancer had spread from her lungs and to several other places and I knew she was living on borrowed time, but it still was a real blow. She meant more to me than anyone can understand. Everything she did for me and everybody else.

And I'm not writing this for sympathy from anyone, but as an explanation to why I might not be very active here over the next few weeks. But the blog will still be here, I'm not closing it down!

Finally back! I know it's been forever since I posted an update, so sorry about that.

Anyway, the past week I've been at the riding school, helping out with the kids that come there for two days of riding lessons. It's sort of a day camp. Just being back helps me focus in a totally different way. I don't know why I get so nervous when it comes to wearing short sleeves for the first time. I mean, it's not like I have new cuts. It's been nearly two years since my last relapse. I think it has a bit to do with the fact that all these years, I have built up a sort of  psychological defense. As soon as there's been the slightest indication of finding me out, I've backed off.

I don't need that anymore. I may pull a white lie once in a while but my goal is to stand up for myself. To all recoverers: Your scars are your past, not your present!