Post nr 20

Yesterday I had lunch with one of my closest friends, known on the internet as Tjelsi. We haven't met in almost a year and a half, so it was great to finally see her again. We talked about everything and nothing, just enjoying being together again.
Without us really planning it, we started talking and sharing thoughts about our recovery. It's easier to talk to someone going through the same process, than talking to a regular friend about things like this. We understand each other on a totally different level. So even though the topic is quite morbid we can still talk about it without triggering each other. It helps, knowing that I'm not alone in this. That's very common. You feel like no one understands, but deep down you know that's not the case.

Post nr 19 (for real)

When the term started this August, it felt like Christmas was years away. But, just like that, the term has ended and I'm at home for three weeks. Three whole weeks before I get to move back to school! I guess that's a good sign. The fact that I actually have some positive thoughts. I just hope I get through Christmas without any major mishaps. I can't really control my crying at the moment, but I try to let it all out instead of keeping it bottled up inside me. My teacher said something very wise a couple of days ago. She is like the human version of the magic eight-ball. She said that "Nothing is ever further away than you have already started your journey there!"! I thought this over, and it actually makes sense. Now it feels a bit easier. My real goal is to stop cutting forever and even though I still have a long way to go, I'm getting there. I have started my journey. It started already when I tried to stop the first time. The same goes for you!

Post nr 19

God sure works in mysterious ways! (I mean the expression, not the guy upstairs!) I've been doing a lot of thinking recently. True, I spend quite a lot of time wandering around in thoughts, since it helps me relax for a while. It's works as a kind of substitute for my SI. The result is the same. Relaxation and control.

It's seems like everytime I get close to hitting rock bottom, something comes and, "BOOM", sends me soaring  upwards again. That happened again last week. I have a tendency of going all flippy each time I go to see my psychiatrist. I can't explain why, but that place scares the crap out of me. So in an attempt to find a place that works for me, I accompanied a close friend  to her clinic, here in Kungsbacka. I felt safe at once, no anxiety at all. There wasn't any therapy involved by the way. I told my mother this but at first she was sceptical. The next time, this Wednesday, Mom called me and told me that my doctor had already sent the papers required for a  transfer to Kungsbacka and they accepted, yippie! New psychiatrist, new team, new everything.So now it's bye bye forever to my old clinic! :D

Post nr 17

Just a short update, for once. :P
Since last time, there have been some minor changes in my medications. My doctor added a new medicine, an antidepressant that's supposed to simultaneously help me sleep and together with my other pills give my depression a hard time. The new medicine actually helps a bit. I sleep sounder, and thus feel a bit more rested in the morning. I still have nightmares every night and quite a lot of abstincence, and I don't know how I am going to feel in a week. But one thing is certain: I'm not going to yell "uncle" if I can help it!