Sometimes, when everything seems to turn against us, it's easy to think the situation is hopeless and that it's never going to change. There have been times when that thought has stayed in my mind no matter what I do. It's still there, but I try to keep it under control. I mean, if I'm ever going to be able to kick the habit once and for all I can't just sit there and let my old ghosts make life a living hell for me. Easier said than done, you might say. Which is true. That's why I'm still fighting. And I think that I always will have to keep one step ahead.
But there is, as usual, several different ways to keep up and not let the negativity win. One of those things is finding a special hobby that makes you feel better even if it just is for the moment, and stick to it even when you just want to hide somewhere. It's those small moments of freedom that gives us a chance to reload our batteries and stay strong. For me, it's riding. I started riding when I was ten, and I know I am a very good rider. This past month I haven't found the strength to go, but this week Mom drove me. As soon as I was up in the saddle, a sort of calmness washed over me. And when we really started working I could block out enough pain to actually feel alive. Like I was where I truly belonged. So from now on I am going to try to attend my weekly training sessions as often as possible. Find your own private waterhole and you'll see that things seem a bit easier, even if it just is for a short space of time!
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