Dreams

Everybody dreams at some point during the night.. Sometimes we don't remember exactly what the dream was about, and sometimes we don't remember having dreamt at all. But some dreams make such an impression that we can still recount the details later on. For some, dreaming is a haven. A chance to escape reality for a while. For others, it's quite the opposite. Falling asleep becomes the equivalent of not being in control over your thoughts and emotions. I've been there, both relishing sleep and fearing it. I've had insomnia for a few years now. It comes and it goes, sometimes hidden, but it's always there.

So, where am I heading with all this? A few nights back I had a very realistic dream about my SI. Usually, those dreams have me waking up in cold sweat. But this was different. I knew right from the start that I was dreaming. And it was like I decided not to fight against it this time. I just went with the flow. I traveled back in time, in chronological order, to all those specific events that that made me self-injure. But I wasn't "there", it was kind of looking through a window. A bit like Charles Dickens "A Christmas story".
For the first time I could actually see what I was doing, and why, what feelings were involved. In short, I could take a step back and be objective for once.