This post is dedicated to one of my absolute best friends. She's been there for me 24/7, encouraging me and coaching me through this ordeal. You know who you are!
This morning I had my second panic attack in just a few days. I'm not going to lie, it IS a bit disconcerting that they seem to be coming more frequently than usual. And this one was one of the strongest yet.
My cousins spent the weekend with us, so Mom and I dropped them off at the airport early this morning. I'm not sure if lack of sleep played a hand in it, but on the way home I started crying and couldn't stop. All the pain just boiled over. At home I almost gave up, but that's when I remembered something a very close friend once said. It's alright to feel sad, and it's alright to let the pain out. I started repeating this over and over, like a mantra, and gradually my breathing got more controlled. I still wanted to cut, still needed the pain, but now I knew what to do. For the first time in months, I used the ice trick. It helped almost at once. I could breathe again.
There are always other ways to help you feel better, instead of resorting to SI. Even though it sometimes feels like driving your head against a brick wall, somewhere inside you there is the will to win this fight. And that's what counts. As long as you have that you will find other ways of coping. Never forget that!
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