Post nr 3

Hi guys! It seems that my imagination has run out when it comes to post-titles, so these ordinary posts won't have any special titles. The posts with a theme on the other hand will probably be more specific. Sorry for dithering so much, still new to the world of blogging. :P

Ok, so today I have actually made som real progress with myself. One of my nephews turned eleven a few days ago, and today was his birthday party. Just the closest family. Anyway, had a bit of bother deciding what I was going to wear, It was going to be quite warm, so the most logical choice was a shortsleeved shirt. Mum suggested the shirt and a cardigan that I could put on if it got too cold, then realized I wasn't thinking of the weather.

My nephews saw my arms when they visited us this summer, and my sister and sister-in-law know about it, but my oldest brother haven't seen it. My sister only saw a glimpse this winter for that matter. So naturally I was nervous about going to the party. I mean, my nephews said that it looked like I had been whipped. In the end I chose a three-quartersleeved shirt. During the ride there, my niece kept staring at my scars. I understand her.

I'm not sure if it was the fact that the majority of the persons there know I am a cutter, or if it was something else, but I actually could RELAX! I'm not going to deny that I was constantly aware of the scars showing, and sometimes pulled down my sleeves a bit when the newest scars were visible. But I could relax, have fun, not jump everytime someone got to close. My niece kept staring but pretended not to everytime I asked if she was alright. But somehow, I didn't mind it. I can't go around with long sleeves next summer as well, and it's better to show gradually.

The more you work to ignore the fact that your scars a visible, after a while you will feel it getting easier to relax. And the more relaxed and "normal" you behave, the less people will lay focus on your scars. Yes, they will see and wonder, but when you have gotten that far in recovery you will be able to tackle difficult questions. Just take it one small step at a time. Let it take time. Remember that as more time goes by, things will become easier and one day you will stand there as a winner!